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Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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CHAPTER I: Down the Rabbit-Hole
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her
sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or
twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading,
but it had no pictures or conversations in it, ‘and what is
the use of a book,’ thought Alice ‘without pictures or
conversation?’
So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she
could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and
stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain
would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the
daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran
close by her.
There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did
Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the
Rabbit say to itself, ‘Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!’
(when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her
that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it
all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually
took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it, and
then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed
across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit
with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of
ads:
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it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after
it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a
large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
In another moment down went Alice after it, never
once considering how in the world she was to get out
again.
The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some
way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that
Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself
before she found herself falling down a very deep well.
Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly,
for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about
her and to wonder what was going to happen next. First,
she tried to look down and make out what she was
coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she
looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were
filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she
saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down a
jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was labelled
‘ORANGE MARMALADE’, but to her great
disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the
jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into
one of the cupboards as she fell past it.
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’Well!’ thought Alice to herself, ‘after such a fall as this,
I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave
they’ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn’t say
anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!’
(Which was very likely true.)
Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an
end! ‘I wonder how many miles I’ve fallen by this time?’
she said aloud. ‘I must be getting somewhere near the
centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four
thousand miles down, I think—’ (for, you see, Alice had
learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in the
schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good
opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was
no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it
over) ‘—yes, that’s about the right distance—but then I
wonder what Latitude or Longitude I’ve got to?’ (Alice
had no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but
thought they were nice grand words to say.)
Presently she began again. ‘I wonder if I shall fall right
through the earth! How funny it’ll seem to come out
among the people that walk with their heads downward!
The Antipathies, I think—’ (she was rather glad there
WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn’t sound at all
the right word) ‘—but I shall have to ask them what the
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name of the country is, you know. Please, Ma’am, is this
New Zealand or Australia?’ (and she tried to curtsey as she
spoke—fancy curtseying as you’re falling through the air!
Do you think you could manage it?) ‘And what an
ignorant little girl she’ll think me for asking! No, it’ll
never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up
somewhere.’
Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so
Alice soon began talking again. ‘Dinah’ll miss me very
much to-night, I should think!’ (Dinah was the cat.) ‘I
hope they’ll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time.
Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me!
There are no mice in the air, I’m afraid, but you might
catch a bat, and that’s very like a mouse, you know. But
do cats eat bats, I wonder?’ And here Alice began to get
rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy
sort of way, ‘Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?’ and
sometimes, ‘Do bats eat cats?’ for, you see, as she couldn’t
answer either question, it didn’t much matter which way
she put it. She felt that she was dozing off, and had just
begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with
Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, ‘Now, Dinah, tell
me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?’ when suddenly,
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thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and
dry leaves, and the fall was over.
Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her
feet in a moment: she looked up, but it was all dark
overhead; before her was another long passage, and the
White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it. There
was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the
wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a
corner, ‘Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it’s getting!’
She was close behind it when she turned the corner, but
the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found herself in a
long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging
from the roof.
There were doors all round the hall, but they were all
locked; and when Alice had been all the way down one
side and up the other, trying every door, she walked sadly
down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out
again.
Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all
made of solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny
golden key, and Alice’s first thought was that it might
belong to one of the doors of the hall; but, alas! either the
locks were too large, or the key was too small, but at any
rate it would not open any of them. However, on the
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second time round, she came upon a low curtain she had
not noticed before, and behind it was a little door about
fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key in the
lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small
passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down
and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you
ever saw. How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and
wander about among those beds of bright flowers and
those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head
though the doorway; ‘and even if my head would go
through,’ thought poor Alice, ‘it would be of very little
use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut
up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know how to
begin.’ For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had
happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very
few things indeed were really impossible.
There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little
door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she might
find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for
shutting people up like telescopes: this time she found a
little bottle on it, (’which certainly was not here before,’
said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper
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label, with the words ‘DRINK ME’ beautifully printed on
it in large letters.
It was all very well to say ‘Drink me,’ but the wise little
Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. ‘No, I’ll look
first,’ she said, ‘and see whether it’s marked ‘poison’ or
not’; for she had read several nice little histories about
children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts
and other unpleasant things, all because they would not
remember the simple rules their friends had taught them:
such as, that a red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it
too long; and that if you cut your finger very deeply with a
knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if
you drink much from a bottle marked ‘poison,’ it is almost
certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
However, this bottle was not marked ‘poison,’ so Alice
ventured to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in
fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-
apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very
soon finished it off.
* * * *
’What a curious feeling!’ said Alice; ‘I must be shutting
up like a telescope.’
And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches
high, and her face brightened up at the thought that she
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was now the right size for going through the little door
into that lovely garden. First, however, she waited for a
few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further:
she felt a little nervous about this; ‘for it might end, you
know,’ said Alice to herself, ‘in my going out altogether,
like a candle. I wonder what I should be like then?’ And
she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is like after
the candle is blown out, for she could not remember ever
having seen such a thing.
After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she
decided on going into the garden at once; but, alas for
poor Alice! when she got to the door, she found she had
forgotten the little golden key, and when she went back to
the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach it:
she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she
tried her best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but
it was too slippery; and when she had tired herself out
with trying, the poor little thing sat down and cried.
’Come, there’s no use in crying like that!’ said Alice to
herself, rather sharply; ‘I advise you to leave off this
minute!’ She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she
scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes;
and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for
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having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was
playing against herself, for this curious child was very fond
of pretending to be two people. ‘But it’s no use now,’
thought poor Alice, ‘to pretend to be two people! Why,
there’s hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable
person!’
Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying
under the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small
cake, on which the words ‘EAT ME’ were beautifully
marked in currants. ‘Well, I’ll eat it,’ said Alice, ‘and if it
makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it makes
me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either
way I’ll get into the garden, and I don’t care which
happens!’
She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, ‘Which
way? Which way?’, holding her hand on the top of her
head to feel which way it was growing, and she was quite
surprised to find that she remained the same size: to be
sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice
had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but
out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull
and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
* * * *
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CHAPTER II: The Pool of Tears
’Curiouser and curiouser!’ cried Alice (she was so much
surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to
speak good English); ‘now I’m opening out like the largest
telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!’ (for when she
looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of
sight, they were getting so far off). ‘Oh, my poor little
feet, I wonder who will put on your shoes and stockings
for you now, dears? I’m sure I shan’t be able! I shall be a
great deal too far off to trouble myself about you: you
must manage the best way you can; —but I must be kind
to them,’ thought Alice, ‘or perhaps they won’t walk the
way I want to go! Let me see: I’ll give them a new pair of
boots every Christmas.’
And she went on planning to herself how she would
manage it. ‘They must go by the carrier,’ she thought;
‘and how funny it’ll seem, sending presents to one’s own
feet! And how odd the directions will look!
ALICE’S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.
HEARTHRUG,
NEAR THE FENDER,
(WITH ALICE’S LOVE).
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Oh dear, what nonsense I’m talking!’
Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in
fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at
once took up the little golden key and hurried off to the
garden door.
Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down
on one side, to look through into the garden with one
eye; but to get through was more hopeless than ever: she
sat down and began to cry again.
’You ought to be ashamed of yourself,’ said Alice, ‘a
great girl like you,’ (she might well say this), ‘to go on
crying in this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!’ But she
went on all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there
was a large pool all round her, about four inches deep and
reaching half down the hall.
After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the
distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was
coming. It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly
dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a
large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great
hurry, muttering to himself as he came, ‘Oh! the Duchess,
the Duchess! Oh! won’t she be savage if I’ve kept her
waiting!’ Alice felt so desperate that she was ready to ask
help of any one; so, when the Rabbit came near her, she
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began, in a low, timid voice, ‘If you please, sir—’ The
Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and
the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he
could go.
Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was
very hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on
talking: ‘Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And
yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I’ve
been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same
when I got up this morning? I almost think I can
remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same,
the next question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s
the great puzzle!’ And she began thinking over all the
children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to
see if she could have been changed for any of them.
’I’m sure I’m not Ada,’ she said, ‘for her hair goes in
such long ringlets, and mine doesn’t go in ringlets at all;
and I’m sure I can’t be Mabel, for I know all sorts of
things, and she, oh! she knows such a very little! Besides,
she’s she, and I’m I, and—oh dear, how puzzling it all is!
I’ll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me see:
four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and
four times seven is—oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at
that rate! However, the Multiplication Table doesn’t
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signify: let’s try Geography. London is the capital of Paris,
and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Rome—no, that’s all
wrong, I’m certain! I must have been changed for Mabel!
I’ll try and say ‘How doth the little—‘‘ and she crossed her
hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to
repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and
the words did not come the same as they used to do:—
’How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
‘How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spread his claws,
And welcome little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws!’
’I’m sure those are not the right words,’ said poor
Alice, and her eyes filled with tears again as she went on,
‘I must be Mabel after all, and I shall have to go and live in
that poky little house, and have next to no toys to play
with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I’ve made
up my mind about it; if I’m Mabel, I’ll stay down here!
It’ll be no use their putting their heads down and saying
‘Come up again, dear!’ I shall only look up and say ‘Who
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am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that
person, I’ll come up: if not, I’ll stay down here till I’m
somebody else’—but, oh dear!’ cried Alice, with a sudden
burst of tears, ‘I do wish they would put their heads down!
I am so very tired of being all alone here!’
As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was
surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit’s
little white kid gloves while she was talking. ‘How can I
have done that?’ she thought. ‘I must be growing small
again.’ She got up and went to the table to measure herself
by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was
now about two feet high, and was going on shrinking
rapidly: she soon found out that the cause of this was the
fan she was holding, and she dropped it hastily, just in
time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
’That was a narrow escape!’ said Alice, a good deal
frightened at the sudden change, but very glad to find
herself still in existence; ‘and now for the garden!’ and she
ran with all speed back to the little door: but, alas! the
little door was shut again, and the little golden key was
lying on the glass table as before, ‘and things are worse
than ever,’ thought the poor child, ‘for I never was so
small as this before, never! And I declare it’s too bad, that
it is!’
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As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another
moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her
first idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea,
‘and in that case I can go back by railway,’ she said to
herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in her life, and
had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go
to on the English coast you find a number of bathing
machines in the sea, some children digging in the sand
with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and
behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made
out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept
when she was nine feet high.
’I wish I hadn’t cried so much!’ said Alice, as she swam
about, trying to find her way out. ‘I shall be punished for
it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears!
That will be a queer thing, to be sure! However,
everything is queer to-day.’
Just then she heard something splashing about in the
pool a little way off, and she swam nearer to make out
what it was: at first she thought it must be a walrus or
hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small she
was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse
that had slipped in like herself.
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’Would it be of any use, now,’ thought Alice, ‘to speak
to this mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down
here, that I should think very likely it can talk: at any rate,
there’s no harm in trying.’ So she began: ‘O Mouse, do
you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired of
swimming about here, O Mouse!’ (Alice thought this must
be the right way of speaking to a mouse: she had never
done such a thing before, but she remembered having seen
in her brother’s Latin Grammar, ‘A mouse—of a mouse—
to a mouse—a mouse—O mouse!’ The Mouse looked at
her rather inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with
one of its little eyes, but it said nothing.
’Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,’ thought Alice;
‘I daresay it’s a French mouse, come over with William
the Conqueror.’ (For, with all her knowledge of history,
Alice had no very clear notion how long ago anything had
happened.) So she began again: ‘Ou est ma chatte?’ which
was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The
Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to
quiver all over with fright. ‘Oh, I beg your pardon!’ cried
Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor animal’s
feelings. ‘I quite forgot you didn’t like cats.’
’Not like cats!’ cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate
voice. ‘Would you like cats if you were me?’
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’Well, perhaps not,’ said Alice in a soothing tone:
‘don’t be angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you
our cat Dinah: I think you’d take a fancy to cats if you
could only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing,’ Alice
went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the
pool, ‘and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her
paws and washing her face—and she is such a nice soft
thing to nurse—and she’s such a capital one for catching
mice—oh, I beg your pardon!’ cried Alice again, for this
time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt certain
it must be really offended. ‘We won’t talk about her any
more if you’d rather not.’
’We indeed!’ cried the Mouse, who was trembling
down to the end of his tail. ‘As if I would talk on such a
subject! Our family always hated cats: nasty, low, vulgar
things! Don’t let me hear the name again!’
’I won’t indeed!’ said Alice, in a great hurry to change
the subject of conversation. ‘Are you—are you fond—
of—of dogs?’ The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went
on eagerly: ‘There is such a nice little dog near our house
I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you
know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it’ll fetch
things when you throw them, and it’ll sit up and beg for
its dinner, and all sorts of things—I can’t remember half of
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them—and it belongs to a farmer, you know, and he says
it’s so useful, it’s worth a hundred pounds! He says it kills
all the rats and—oh dear!’ cried Alice in a sorrowful tone,
‘I’m afraid I’ve offended it again!’ For the Mouse
was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and
making quite a commotion in the pool as it went.
So she called softly after it, ‘Mouse dear! Do come back
again, and we won’t talk about cats or dogs either, if you
don’t like them!’ When the Mouse heard this, it turned
round and swam slowly back to her: its face was quite pale
(with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low
trembling voice, ‘Let us get to the shore, and then I’ll tell
you my history, and you’ll understand why it is I hate cats
and dogs.’
It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite
crowded with the birds and animals that had fallen into it:
there were a Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and
several other curious creatures. Alice led the way, and the
whole party swam to the shore.
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CHAPTER III: A Caucus-Race and a Long
Tale
They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled
on the bank—the birds with draggled feathers, the animals
with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet,
cross, and uncomfortable.
The first question of course was, how to get dry again:
they had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes
it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself talking
familiarly with them, as if she had known them all her life.
Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the Lory, who
at last turned sulky, and would only say, ‘I am older than
you, and must know better’; and this Alice would not
allow without knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory
positively refused to tell its age, there was no more to be
said.
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of
authority among them, called out, ‘Sit down, all of you,
and listen to me! I’ll soon make you dry enough!’ They all
sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the
middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she
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felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry
very soon.
’Ahem!’ said the Mouse with an important air, ‘are you
all ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all
round, if you please! ‘William the Conqueror, whose
cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by
the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late
much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and
Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria—‘‘
’Ugh!’ said the Lory, with a shiver.
’I beg your pardon!’ said the Mouse, frowning, but
very politely: ‘Did you speak?’
’Not I!’ said the Lory hastily.
’I thought you did,’ said the Mouse. ‘—I proceed.
‘Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria,
declared for him: and even Stigand, the patriotic
archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable—‘‘
’Found what?’ said the Duck.
’Found it,’ the Mouse replied rather crossly: ‘of course
you know what ‘it’ means.’
’I know what ‘it’ means well enough, when I find a
thing,’ said the Duck: ‘it’s generally a frog or a worm. The
question is, what did the archbishop find?’
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The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly
went on, ‘’—found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling
to meet William and offer him the crown. William’s
conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his
Normans—’ How are you getting on now, my dear?’ it
continued, turning to Alice as it spoke.
’As wet as ever,’ said Alice in a melancholy tone: ‘it
doesn’t seem to dry me at all.’
’In that case,’ said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet,
‘I move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate
adoption of more energetic remedies—’
’Speak English!’ said the Eaglet. ‘I don’t know the
meaning of half those long words, and, what’s more, I
don’t believe you do either!’ And the Eaglet bent down its
head to hide a smile: some of the other birds tittered
audibly.
’What I was going to say,’ said the Dodo in an
offended tone, ‘was, that the best thing to get us dry
would be a Caucus-race.’
’What is a Caucus-race?’ said Alice; not that she wanted
much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought
that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed
inclined to say anything.
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’Why,’ said the Dodo, ‘the best way to explain it is to
do it.’ (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself,
some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed
it.)
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle,
(’the exact shape doesn’t matter,’ it said,) and then all the
party were placed along the course, here and there. There
was no ‘One, two, three, and away,’ but they began
running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so
that it was not easy to know when the race was over.
However, when they had been running half an hour or so,
and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out
‘The race is over!’ and they all crowded round it, panting,
and asking, ‘But who has won?’
This question the Dodo could not answer without a
great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one
finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which
you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while
the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, ‘everybody
has won, and all must have prizes.’
’But who is to give the prizes?’ quite a chorus of voices
asked.
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’Why, she, of course,’ said the Dodo, pointing to Alice
with one finger; and the whole party at once crowded
round her, calling out in a confused way, ‘Prizes! Prizes!’
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put
her hand in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits,
(luckily the salt water had not got into it), and handed
them round as prizes. There was exactly one a-piece all
round.
’But she must have a prize herself, you know,’ said the
Mouse.
’Of course,’ the Dodo replied very gravely. ‘What else
have you got in your pocket?’ he went on, turning to
Alice.
’Only a thimble,’ said Alice sadly.
’Hand it over here,’ said the Dodo.
Then they all crowded round her once more, while the
Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying ‘We beg
your acceptance of this elegant thimble’; and, when it had
finished this short speech, they all cheered.
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all
looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she
could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and
took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could.
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The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some
noise and confusion, as the large birds complained that
they could not taste theirs, and the small ones choked and
had to be patted on the back. However, it was over at last,
and they sat down again in a ring, and begged the Mouse
to tell them something more.
’You promised to tell me your history, you know,’ said
Alice, ‘and why it is you hate—C and D,’ she added in a
whisper, half afraid that it would be offended again.
’Mine is a long and a sad tale!’ said the Mouse, turning
to Alice, and sighing.
’It IS a long tail, certainly,’ said Alice, looking down
with wonder at the Mouse’s tail; ‘but why do you call it
sad?’ And she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse
was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something
like this:—
’Fury said to a mouse, That he met in the house, ‘Let
us both go to law: I will prosecute you. —Come, I’ll take
no denial; We must have a trial: For really this morning
I’ve nothing to do.’ Said the mouse to the cur, ‘Such a
trial, dear Sir,With no jury or judge, would be wasting our
breath.’ ‘I’ll be judge, I’ll be jury,’ said cunning old
Fury:"I’ll try the whole cause, and condemn you to
death.‘‘
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’You are not attending!’ said the Mouse to Alice
severely. ‘What are you thinking of?’
’I beg your pardon,’ said Alice very humbly: ‘you had
got to the fifth bend, I think?’
’I had not!’ cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
’A knot!’ said Alice, always ready to make herself
useful, and looking anxiously about her. ‘Oh, do let me
help to undo it!’
’I shall do nothing of the sort,’ said the Mouse, getting
up and walking away. ‘You insult me by talking such
nonsense!’
’I didn’t mean it!’ pleaded poor Alice. ‘But you’re so
easily offended, you know!’
The Mouse only growled in reply.
’Please come back and finish your story!’ Alice called
after it; and the others all joined in chorus, ‘Yes, please
do!’ but the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and
walked a little quicker.
’What a pity it wouldn’t stay!’ sighed the Lory, as soon
as it was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the
opportunity of saying to her daughter ‘Ah, my dear! Let
this be a lesson to you never to lose your temper!’ ‘Hold
your tongue, Ma!’ said the young Crab, a little snappishly.
‘You’re enough to try the patience of an oyster!’
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’I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!’ said Alice
aloud, addressing nobody in particular. ‘She’d soon fetch it
back!’
’And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the
question?’ said the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk
about her pet: ‘Dinah’s our cat. And she’s such a capital
one for catching mice you can’t think! And oh, I wish you
could see her after the birds! Why, she’ll eat a little bird as
soon as look at it!’
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the
party. Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old
Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully,
remarking, ‘I really must be getting home; the night-air
doesn’t suit my throat!’ and a Canary called out in a
trembling voice to its children, ‘Come away, my dears! It’s
high time you were all in bed!’ On various pretexts they
all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
’I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah!’ she said to herself in
a melancholy tone. ‘Nobody seems to like her, down
here, and I’m sure she’s the best cat in the world! Oh, my
dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!’
And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very
lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she
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CHAPTER IV: The Rabbit Sends in a Little
Bill
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again,
and looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost
something; and she heard it muttering to itself ‘The
Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and
whiskers! She’ll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are
ferrets! Where can I have dropped them, I wonder?’ Alice
guessed in a moment that it was looking for the fan and
the pair of white kid gloves, and she very good-naturedly
began hunting about for them, but they were nowhere to
be seen—everything seemed to have changed since her
swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table
and the little door, had vanished completely.
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went
hunting about, and called out to her in an angry tone,
‘Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing out here? Run
home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a
fan! Quick, now!’ And Alice was so much frightened that
she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without
trying to explain the mistake it had made.
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’He took me for his housemaid,’ she said to herself as
she ran. ‘How surprised he’ll be when he finds out who I
am! But I’d better take him his fan and gloves—that is, if I
can find them.’ As she said this, she came upon a neat little
house, on the door of which was a bright brass plate with
the name ‘W. RABBIT’ engraved upon it. She went in
without knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest
she should meet the real Mary Ann, and be turned out of
the house before she had found the fan and gloves.
’How queer it seems,’ Alice said to herself, ‘to be going
messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah’ll be sending me on
messages next!’ And she began fancying the sort of thing
that would happen: ‘"Miss Alice! Come here directly, and
get ready for your walk!’ ‘Coming in a minute, nurse! But
I’ve got to see that the mouse doesn’t get out.’ Only I
don’t think,’ Alice went on, ‘that they’d let Dinah stop in
the house if it began ordering people about like that!’
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little
room with a table in the window, and on it (as she had
hoped) a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid
gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and
was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a
little bottle that stood near the looking- glass. There was
no label this time with the words ‘DRINK ME,’ but
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nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips. ‘I know
something interesting is sure to happen,’ she said to herself,
‘whenever I eat or drink anything; so I’ll just see what this
bottle does. I do hope it’ll make me grow large again, for
really I’m quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!’
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had
expected: before she had drunk half the bottle, she found
her head pressing against the ceiling, and had to stoop to
save her neck from being broken. She hastily put down
the bottle, saying to herself ‘That’s quite enough—I hope
I shan’t grow any more—As it is, I can’t get out at the
door—I do wish I hadn’t drunk quite so much!’
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing,
and growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the
floor: in another minute there was not even room for this,
and she tried the effect of lying down with one elbow
against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.
Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put
one arm out of the window, and one foot up the
chimney, and said to herself ‘Now I can do no more,
whatever happens. What will become of me?’
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had
its full effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very
uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of
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chance of her ever getting out of the room again, no
wonder she felt unhappy.
’It was much pleasanter at home,’ thought poor Alice,
‘when one wasn’t always growing larger and smaller, and
being ordered about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I
hadn’t gone down that rabbit-hole—and yet—and yet—
it’s rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder
what can have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-
tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and
now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be a
book written about me, that there ought! And when I
grow up, I’ll write one—but I’m grown up now,’ she
added in a sorrowful tone; ‘at least there’s no room to
grow up any more here.’
’But then,’ thought Alice, ‘shall I never get any older
than I am now? That’ll be a comfort, one way—never to
be an old woman— but then—always to have lessons to
learn! Oh, I shouldn’t like that!’
’Oh, you foolish Alice!’ she answered herself. ‘How can
you learn lessons in here? Why, there’s hardly room for
you, and no room at all for any lesson-books!’
And so she went on, taking first one side and then the
other, and making quite a conversation of it altogether;
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but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside, and
stopped to listen.
’Mary Ann! Mary Ann!’ said the voice. ‘Fetch me my
gloves this moment!’ Then came a little pattering of feet
on the stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look
for her, and she trembled till she shook the house, quite
forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as
large as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to
open it; but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice’s
elbow was pressed hard against it, that attempt proved a
failure. Alice heard it say to itself ‘Then I’ll go round and
get in at the window.’
’That you won’t’ thought Alice, and, after waiting till
she fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window,
she suddenly spread out her hand, and made a snatch in
the air. She did not get hold of anything, but she heard a
little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass, from
which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen
into a cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
Next came an angry voice—the Rabbit’s—’Pat! Pat!
Where are you?’ And then a voice she had never heard
before, ‘Sure then I’m here! Digging for apples, yer
honour!’
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’Digging for apples, indeed!’ said the Rabbit angrily.
‘Here! Come and help me out of this!’ (Sounds of more
broken glass.)
’Now tell me, Pat, what’s that in the window?’
’Sure, it’s an arm, yer honour!’ (He pronounced it
‘arrum.’)
’An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why,
it fills the whole window!’
’Sure, it does, yer honour: but it’s an arm for all that.’
’Well, it’s got no business there, at any rate: go and take
it away!’
There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only
hear whispers now and then; such as, ‘Sure, I don’t like it,
yer honour, at all, at all!’ ‘Do as I tell you, you coward!’
and at last she spread out her hand again, and made
another snatch in the air. This time there were two little
shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. ‘What a number
of cucumber-frames there must be!’ thought Alice. ‘I
wonder what they’ll do next! As for pulling me out of the
window, I only wish they could! I’m sure I don’t want to
stay in here any longer!’
She waited for some time without hearing anything
more: at last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the
sound of a good many voices all talking together: she
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made out the words: ‘Where’s the other ladder?—Why, I
hadn’t to bring but one; Bill’s got the other—Bill! fetch it
here, lad!—Here, put ‘em up at this corner—No, tie ‘em
together first—they don’t reach half high enough yet—
Oh! they’ll do well enough; don’t be particular— Here,
Bill! catch hold of this rope—Will the roof bear?—Mind
that loose slate—Oh, it’s coming down! Heads below!’ (a
loud crash)—’Now, who did that?—It was Bill, I fancy—
Who’s to go down the chimney?—Nay, I shan’t! you do
it!—That I won’t, then!—Bill’s to go down—Here, Bill!
the master says you’re to go down the chimney!’
’Oh! So Bill’s got to come down the chimney, has he?’
said Alice to herself. ‘Shy, they seem to put everything
upon Bill! I wouldn’t be in Bill’s place for a good deal: this
fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but I think I can kick a
little!’
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she
could, and waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn’t
guess of what sort it was) scratching and scrambling about
in the chimney close above her: then, saying to herself
‘This is Bill,’ she gave one sharp kick, and waited to see
what would happen next.
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of ‘There
goes Bill!’ then the Rabbit’s voice along—’Catch him,
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you by the hedge!’ then silence, and then another
confusion of voices—’Hold up his head—Brandy now—
Don’t choke him—How was it, old fellow? What
happened to you? Tell us all about it!’
Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (’That’s Bill,’
thought Alice,) ‘Well, I hardly know—No more, thank
ye; I’m better now—but I’m a deal too flustered to tell
you—all I know is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-
the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!’
’So you did, old fellow!’ said the others.
’We must burn the house down!’ said the Rabbit’s
voice; and Alice called out as loud as she could, ‘If you do.
I’ll set Dinah at you!’
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to
herself, ‘I wonder what they will do next! If they had any
sense, they’d take the roof off.’ After a minute or two,
they began moving about again, and Alice heard the
Rabbit say, ‘A barrowful will do, to begin with.’
’A barrowful of what?’ thought Alice; but she had not
long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of little
pebbles came rattling in at the window, and some of them
hit her in the face. ‘I’ll put a stop to this,’ she said to
herself, and shouted out, ‘You’d better not do that again!’
which produced another dead silence.
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Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were
all turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a
bright idea came into her head. ‘If I eat one of these
cakes,’ she thought, ‘it’s sure to make some change in my
size; and as it can’t possibly make me larger, it must make
me smaller, I suppose.’
So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted
to find that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she
was small enough to get through the door, she ran out of
the house, and found quite a crowd of little animals and
birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in
the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were
giving it something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at
Alice the moment she appeared; but she ran off as hard as
she could, and soon found herself safe in a thick wood.
’The first thing I’ve got to do,’ said Alice to herself, as
she wandered about in the wood, ‘is to grow to my right
size again; and the second thing is to find my way into that
lovely garden. I think that will be the best plan.’
It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly
and simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had
not the smallest idea how to set about it; and while she
was peering about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp
bark just over her head made her look up in a great hurry.
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An enormous puppy was looking down at her with
large round eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying
to touch her. ‘Poor little thing!’ said Alice, in a coaxing
tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but she was
terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might
be hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her
up in spite of all her coaxing.
Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit
of stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the
puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at once, with a
yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick, and made believe
to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle, to
keep herself from being run over; and the moment she
appeared on the other side, the puppy made another rush
at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in its hurry to
get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very like having
a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the
thistle again; then the puppy began a series of short charges
at the stick, running a very little way forwards each time
and a long way back, and barking hoarsely all the while,
till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with its
tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half
shut.
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This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making
her escape; so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite
tired and out of breath, and till the puppy’s bark sounded
quite faint in the distance.
’And yet what a dear little puppy it was!’ said Alice, as
she leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned
herself with one of the leaves: ‘I should have liked
teaching it tricks very much, if—if I’d only been the right
size to do it! Oh dear! I’d nearly forgotten that I’ve got to
grow up again! Let me see—how IS it to be managed? I
suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but
the great question is, what?’
The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all
round her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she
did not see anything that looked like the right thing to eat
or drink under the circumstances. There was a large
mushroom growing near her, about the same height as
herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both
sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her that she might
as well look and see what was on the top of it.
She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the
edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met
those of a large caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with
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CHAPTER V: Advice from a Caterpillar
The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for
some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the
hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid,
sleepy voice.
’Who are you?’ said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a
conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, ‘I—I hardly
know, sir, just at present— at least I know who I WAS
when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been
changed several times since then.’
’What do you mean by that?’ said the Caterpillar
sternly. ‘Explain yourself!’
’I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, sir’ said Alice,
‘because I’m not myself, you see.’
’I don’t see,’ said the Caterpillar.
’I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly,’ Alice replied
very politely, ‘for I can’t understand it myself to begin
with; and being so many different sizes in a day is very
confusing.’
’It isn’t,’ said the Caterpillar.
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’Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet,’ said Alice;
‘but when you have to turn into a chrysalis—you will
some day, you know—and then after that into a butterfly,
I should think you’ll feel it a little queer, won’t you?’
’Not a bit,’ said the Caterpillar.
’Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,’ said
Alice; ‘all I know is, it would feel very queer to me.’
’You!’ said the Caterpillar contemptuously. ‘Who are
you?’
Which brought them back again to the beginning of
the conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the
Caterpillar’s making such very short remarks, and she drew
herself up and said, very gravely, ‘I think, you ought to tell
me who you are, first.’
’Why?’ said the Caterpillar.
Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could
not think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar
seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of mind, she turned
away.
’Come back!’ the Caterpillar called after her. ‘I’ve
something important to say!’
This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and
came back again.
’Keep your temper,’ said the Caterpillar.
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’Is that all?’ said Alice, swallowing down her anger as
well as she could.
’No,’ said the Caterpillar.
Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had
nothing else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her
something worth hearing. For some minutes it puffed
away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its arms,
took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, ‘So you
think you’re changed, do you?’
’I’m afraid I am, sir,’ said Alice; ‘I can’t remember
things as I used—and I don’t keep the same size for ten
minutes together!’
’Can’t remember what things?’ said the Caterpillar.
’Well, I’ve tried to say ‘How doth the little busy bee,’ but
it all came different!’ Alice replied in a very melancholy
voice.
’Repeat, ‘you are old, Father William,‘‘ said the
Caterpillar.
Alice folded her hands, and began:—
’You are old, Father William,’ the young man said, ‘And
your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly stand
on your head— Do you think, at your age, it is right?’
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’In my youth,’ Father William replied to his son, ‘I feared it
might injure the brain; But, now that I’m perfectly sure I have
none, Why, I do it again and again.’
’You are old,’ said the youth, ‘as I mentioned before, And
have grown most uncommonly fat; Yet you turned a back-
somersault in at the door— Pray, what is the reason of that?’
’In my youth,’ said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, ‘I
kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment—one
shilling the box— Allow me to sell you a couple?’
’You are old,’ said the youth, ‘and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with
the bones and the beak— Pray how did you manage to do it?’
’In my youth,’ said his father, ‘I took to the law, And argued
each case with my wife; And the muscular strength, which it gave
to my jaw, Has lasted the rest of my life.’
’You are old,’ said the youth, ‘one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever; Yet you balanced an eel on
the end of your nose— What made you so awfully clever?’
’I have answered three questions, and that is enough,’ Said
his father; ‘don’t give yourself airs! Do you think I can listen all
day to such stuff? Be off, or I’ll kick you down stairs!’
’That is not said right,’ said the Caterpillar.
’Not quite right, I’m afraid,’ said Alice, timidly; ‘some
of the words have got altered.’
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’It is wrong from beginning to end,’ said the Caterpillar
decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.
The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
’What size do you want to be?’ it asked.
’Oh, I’m not particular as to size,’ Alice hastily replied;
‘only one doesn’t like changing so often, you know.’
’I don’t know,’ said the Caterpillar.
Alice said nothing: she had never been so much
contradicted in her life before, and she felt that she was
losing her temper.
’Are you content now?’ said the Caterpillar.
’Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, if you
wouldn’t mind,’ said Alice: ‘three inches is such a
wretched height to be.’
’It is a very good height indeed!’ said the Caterpillar
angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly
three inches high).
’But I’m not used to it!’ pleaded poor Alice in a piteous
tone. And she thought of herself, ‘I wish the creatures
wouldn’t be so easily offended!’
’You’ll get used to it in time,’ said the Caterpillar; and
it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak
again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah
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out of its mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook
itself. Then it got down off the mushroom, and crawled
away in the grass, merely remarking as it went, ‘One side
will make you grow taller, and the other side will make
you grow shorter.’
’One side of what? The other side of what?’ thought
Alice to herself.
’Of the mushroom,’ said the Caterpillar, just as if she
had asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of
sight.
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom
for a minute, trying to make out which were the two sides
of it; and as it was perfectly round, she found this a very
difficult question. However, at last she stretched her arms
round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit of the
edge with each hand.
’And now which is which?’ she said to herself, and
nibbled a little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the
next moment she felt a violent blow underneath her chin:
it had struck her foot!
She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden
change, but she felt that there was no time to be lost, as
she was shrinking rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat
some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed so closely
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against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her
mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a
morsel of the lefthand bit.
* * * *
’Come, my head’s free at last!’ said Alice in a tone of
delight, which changed into alarm in another moment,
when she found that her shoulders were nowhere to be
found: all she could see, when she looked down, was an
immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk
out of a sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
’What can all that green stuff be?’ said Alice. ‘And
where have my shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands,
how is it I can’t see you?’ She was moving them about as
she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except a little
shaking among the distant green leaves.
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands
up to her head, she tried to get her head down to them,
and was delighted to find that her neck would bend about
easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had just
succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and
was going to dive in among the leaves, which she found to
be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she had
been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in
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a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was
beating her violently with its wings.
’Serpent!’ screamed the Pigeon.
’I’m not a serpent!’ said Alice indignantly. ‘Let me
alone!’
’Serpent, I say again!’ repeated the Pigeon, but in a
more subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, ‘I’ve
tried every way, and nothing seems to suit them!’
’I haven’t the least idea what you’re talking about,’ said
Alice.
’I’ve tried the roots of trees, and I’ve tried banks, and
I’ve tried hedges,’ the Pigeon went on, without attending
to her; ‘but those serpents! There’s no pleasing them!’
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought
there was no use in saying anything more till the Pigeon
had finished.
’As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching the eggs,’ said
the Pigeon; ‘but I must be on the look-out for serpents
night and day! Why, I haven’t had a wink of sleep these
three weeks!’
’I’m very sorry you’ve been annoyed,’ said Alice, who
was beginning to see its meaning.
’And just as I’d taken the highest tree in the wood,’
continued the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, ‘and
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just as I was thinking I should be free of them at last, they
must needs come wriggling down from the sky! Ugh,
Serpent!’
’But I’m not a serpent, I tell you!’ said Alice. ‘I’m a—
I’m a—’
’Well! what are you?’ said the Pigeon. ‘I can see you’re
trying to invent something!’
’I—I’m a little girl,’ said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she
remembered the number of changes she had gone through
that day.
’A likely story indeed!’ said the Pigeon in a tone of the
deepest contempt. ‘I’ve seen a good many little girls in my
time, but never one with such a neck as that! No, no!
You’re a serpent; and there’s no use denying it. I suppose
you’ll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!’
’I have tasted eggs, certainly,’ said Alice, who was a very
truthful child; ‘but little girls eat eggs quite as much as
serpents do, you know.’
’I don’t believe it,’ said the Pigeon; ‘but if they do, why
then they’re a kind of serpent, that’s all I can say.’
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite
silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the
opportunity of adding, ‘You’re looking for eggs, I know
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that well enough; and what does it matter to me whether
you’re a little girl or a serpent?’
’It matters a good deal to me,’ said Alice hastily; ‘but
I’m not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I
shouldn’t want yours: I don’t like them raw.’
’Well, be off, then!’ said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as
it settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down
among the trees as well as she could, for her neck kept
getting entangled among the branches, and every now and
then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she
remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in
her hands, and she set to work very carefully, nibbling first
at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller
and sometimes shorter, until she had succeeded in bringing
herself down to her usual height.
It was so long since she had been anything near the
right size, that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used
to it in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as
usual. ‘Come, there’s half my plan done now! How
puzzling all these changes are! I’m never sure what I’m
going to be, from one minute to another! However, I’ve
got back to my right size: the next thing is, to get into that
beautiful garden—how is that to be done, I wonder?’ As
she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place, with
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a little house in it about four feet high. ‘Whoever lives
there,’ thought Alice, ‘it’ll never do to come upon them
this size: why, I should frighten them out of their wits!’ So
she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not
venture to go near the house till she had brought herself
down to nine inches high.
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CHAPTER VI: Pig and Pepper
For a minute or two she stood looking at the house,
and wondering what to do next, when suddenly a
footman in livery came running out of the wood—(she
considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called
him a fish)—and rapped loudly at the door with his
knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery,
with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both
footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all
over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it
was all about, and crept a little way out of the wood to
listen.
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his
arm a great letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he
handed over to the other, saying, in a solemn tone, ‘For
the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play
croquet.’ The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn
tone, only changing the order of the words a little, ‘From
the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.’
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got
entangled together.
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Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back
into the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she
next peeped out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the
other was sitting on the ground near the door, staring
stupidly up into the sky.
Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
’There’s no sort of use in knocking,’ said the Footman,
‘and that for two reasons. First, because I’m on the same
side of the door as you are; secondly, because they’re
making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear
you.’ And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise
going on within—a constant howling and sneezing, and
every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had
been broken to pieces.
’Please, then,’ said Alice, ‘how am I to get in?’
’There might be some sense in your knocking,’ the
Footman went on without attending to her, ‘if we had the
door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you
might knock, and I could let you out, you know.’ He was
looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and
this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. ‘But perhaps he can’t
help it,’ she said to herself; ‘his eyes are so very nearly at
the top of his head. But at any rate he might answer
questions.—How am I to get in?’ she repeated, aloud.
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’I shall sit here,’ the Footman remarked, ‘till
tomorrow—’
At this moment the door of the house opened, and a
large plate came skimming out, straight at the Footman’s
head: it just grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against
one of the trees behind him.
’—or next day, maybe,’ the Footman continued in the
same tone, exactly as if nothing had happened.
’How am I to get in?’ asked Alice again, in a louder
tone.
’Are you to get in at all?’ said the Footman. ‘That’s the
first question, you know.’
It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so.
‘It’s really dreadful,’ she muttered to herself, ‘the way all
the creatures argue. It’s enough to drive one crazy!’
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity
for repeating his remark, with variations. ‘I shall sit here,’
he said, ‘on and off, for days and days.’
’But what am I to do?’ said Alice.
’Anything you like,’ said the Footman, and began
whistling.
’Oh, there’s no use in talking to him,’ said Alice
desperately: ‘he’s perfectly idiotic!’ And she opened the
door and went in.
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The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full
of smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was
sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a
baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a large
cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
’There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!’ Alice
said to herself, as well as she could for sneezing.
There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the
Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was
sneezing and howling alternately without a moment’s
pause. The only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze,
were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on the
hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
’Please would you tell me,’ said Alice, a little timidly,
for she was not quite sure whether it was good manners
for her to speak first, ‘why your cat grins like that?’
’It’s a Cheshire cat,’ said the Duchess, ‘and that’s why.
Pig!’
She said the last word with such sudden violence that
Alice quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it
was addressed to the baby, and not to her, so she took
courage, and went on again:—
’I didn’t know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in
fact, I didn’t know that cats could grin.’
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’They all can,’ said the Duchess; ‘and most of ‘em do.’
’I don’t know of any that do,’ Alice said very politely,
feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.
’You don’t know much,’ said the Duchess; ‘and that’s a
fact.’
Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and
thought it would be as well to introduce some other
subject of conversation. While she was trying to fix on
one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and
at once set to work throwing everything within her reach
at the Duchess and the baby —the fire-irons came first;
then followed a shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes.
The Duchess took no notice of them even when they hit
her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it
was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or
not.
’Oh, please mind what you’re doing!’ cried Alice,
jumping up and down in an agony of terror. ‘Oh, there
goes his precious nose’; as an unusually large saucepan flew
close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
’If everybody minded their own business,’ the Duchess
said in a hoarse growl, ‘the world would go round a deal
faster than it does.’
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’Which would not be an advantage,’ said Alice, who felt
very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of
her knowledge. ‘Just think of what work it would make
with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-
four hours to turn round on its axis—’
’Talking of axes,’ said the Duchess, ‘chop off her head!’
Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she
meant to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the
soup, and seemed not to be listening, so she went on
again: ‘Twenty-four hours, I think; or is it twelve? I—’
’Oh, don’t bother ME,’ said the Duchess; ‘I never
could abide figures!’ And with that she began nursing her
child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and
giving it a violent shake at the end of every line:
’Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.’
CHORUS
(In which the cook and the baby joined):—
’Wow! wow! wow!’
While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song,
she kept tossing the baby violently up and down, and the
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poor little thing howled so, that Alice could hardly hear
the words:—
’I speak severely to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases!’
CHORUS
’Wow! wow! wow!’
’Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!’ the Duchess
said to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. ‘I must
go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen,’ and she
hurried out of the room. The cook threw a frying-pan
after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a
queer- shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs
in all directions, ‘just like a star-fish,’ thought Alice. The
poor little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when
she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and straightening
itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute or
two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing
it, (which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then
keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to
prevent its undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open
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air. ‘If I don’t take this child away with me,’ thought
Alice, ‘they’re sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn’t it
be murder to leave it behind?’ She said the last words out
loud, and the little thing grunted in reply (it had left off
sneezing by this time). ‘Don’t grunt,’ said Alice; ‘that’s not
at all a proper way of expressing yourself.’
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very
anxiously into its face to see what was the matter with it.
There could be no doubt that it had a very turn-up nose,
much more like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes were
getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not
like the look of the thing at all. ‘But perhaps it was only
sobbing,’ she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to
see if there were any tears.
No, there were no tears. ‘If you’re going to turn into a
pig, my dear,’ said Alice, seriously, ‘I’ll have nothing more
to do with you. Mind now!’ The poor little thing sobbed
again (or grunted, it was impossible to say which), and
they went on for some while in silence.
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, ‘Now,
what am I to do with this creature when I get it home?’
when it grunted again, so violently, that she looked down
into its face in some alarm. This time there could be no
mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig,
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and she felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it
further.
So she set the little creature down, and felt quite
relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood. ‘If it had
grown up,’ she said to herself, ‘it would have made a
dreadfully ugly child: but it makes rather a handsome pig,
I think.’ And she began thinking over other children she
knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying
to herself, ‘if one only knew the right way to change
them—’ when she was a little startled by seeing the
Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked
good- natured, she thought: still it had very long claws and
a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated
with respect.
’Cheshire Puss,’ she began, rather timidly, as she did
not at all know whether it would like the name: however,
it only grinned a little wider. ‘Come, it’s pleased so far,’
thought Alice, and she went on. ‘Would you tell me,
please, which way I ought to go from here?’
’That depends a good deal on where you want to get
to,’ said the Cat.
’I don’t much care where—’ said Alice.
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’Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the
Cat.
’—so long as I get somewhere,’ Alice added as an
explanation.
’Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only
walk long enough.’
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried
another question. ‘What sort of people live about here?’
’In that direction,’ the Cat said, waving its right paw
round, ‘lives a Hatter: and in that direction,’ waving the
other paw, ‘lives a March Hare. Visit either you like:
they’re both mad.’
’But I don’t want to go among mad people,’ Alice
remarked.
’Oh, you can’t help that,’ said the Cat: ‘we’re all mad
here. I’m mad. You’re mad.’
’How do you know I’m mad?’ said Alice.
’You must be,’ said the Cat, ‘or you wouldn’t have
come here.’
Alice didn’t think that proved it at all; however, she
went on ‘And how do you know that you’re mad?’
’To begin with,’ said the Cat, ‘a dog’s not mad. You
grant that?’
’I suppose so,’ said Alice.
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’Well, then,’ the Cat went on, ‘you see, a dog growls
when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I
growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry.
Therefore I’m mad.’
’I call it purring, not growling,’ said Alice.
’Call it what you like,’ said the Cat. ‘Do you play
croquet with the Queen to-day?’
’I should like it very much,’ said Alice, ‘but I haven’t
been invited yet.’
’You’ll see me there,’ said the Cat, and vanished.
Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so
used to queer things happening. While she was looking at
the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.
’By-the-bye, what became of the baby?’ said the Cat.
‘I’d nearly forgotten to ask.’
’It turned into a pig,’ Alice quietly said, just as if it had
come back in a natural way.
’I thought it would,’ said the Cat, and vanished again.
Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it
did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on
in the direction in which the March Hare was said to live.
‘I’ve seen hatters before,’ she said to herself; ‘the March
Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps as
this is May it won’t be raving mad—at least not so mad as
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it was in March.’ As she said this, she looked up, and there
was the Cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
’Did you say pig, or fig?’ said the Cat.
’I said pig,’ replied Alice; ‘and I wish you wouldn’t
keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one
quite giddy.’
’All right,’ said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite
slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending
with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of
it had gone.
’Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,’ thought
Alice; ‘but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing
I ever saw in my life!’
She had not gone much farther before she came in
sight of the house of the March Hare: she thought it must
be the right house, because the chimneys were shaped like
ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It was so large a
house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had
nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and
raised herself to about two feet high: even then she walked
up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself ‘Suppose it
should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I’d gone to
see the Hatter instead!’
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CHAPTER VII: A Mad Tea-Party
There was a table set out under a tree in front of the
house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having
tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep,
and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their
elbows on it, and talking over its head. ‘Very
uncomfortable for the Dormouse,’ thought Alice; ‘only, as
it’s asleep, I suppose it doesn’t mind.’
The table was a large one, but the three were all
crowded together at one corner of it: ‘No room! No
room!’ they cried out when they saw Alice coming.
‘There’s plenty of room!’ said Alice indignantly, and she sat
down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
’Have some wine,’ the March Hare said in an
encouraging tone.
Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing
on it but tea. ‘I don’t see any wine,’ she remarked.
’There isn’t any,’ said the March Hare.
’Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,’ said Alice
angrily.
’It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being
invited,’ said the March Hare.
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’I didn’t know it was your table,’ said Alice; ‘it’s laid for
a great many more than three.’
’Your hair wants cutting,’ said the Hatter. He had been
looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and
this was his first speech.
’You should learn not to make personal remarks,’ Alice
said with some severity; ‘it’s very rude.’
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this;
but all he said was, ‘Why is a raven like a writing-desk?’
’Come, we shall have some fun now!’ thought Alice.
‘I’m glad they’ve begun asking riddles.—I believe I can
guess that,’ she added aloud.
’Do you mean that you think you can find out the
answer to it?’ said the March Hare.
’Exactly so,’ said Alice.
’Then you should say what you mean,’ the March Hare
went on.
’I do,’ Alice hastily replied; ‘at least—at least I mean
what I say—that’s the same thing, you know.’
’Not the same thing a bit!’ said the Hatter. ‘You might
just as well say that ‘I see what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I
eat what I see’!’
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’You might just as well say,’ added the March Hare,
‘that ‘I like what I get’ is the same thing as ‘I get what I
like’!’
’You might just as well say,’ added the Dormouse, who
seemed to be talking in his sleep, ‘that ‘I breathe when I
sleep’ is the same thing as ‘I sleep when I breathe’!’
’It is the same thing with you,’ said the Hatter, and
here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for
a minute, while Alice thought over all she could
remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn’t
much.
The Hatter was the first to break the silence. ‘What day
of the month is it?’ he said, turning to Alice: he had taken
his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily,
shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little, and then said ‘The fourth.’
’Two days wrong!’ sighed the Hatter. ‘I told you butter
wouldn’t suit the works!’ he added looking angrily at the
March Hare.
’It was the best butter,’ the March Hare meekly replied.
’Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,’ the
Hatter grumbled: ‘you shouldn’t have put it in with the
bread-knife.’
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The March Hare took the watch and looked at it
gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked
at it again: but he could think of nothing better to say than
his first remark, ‘It was the best butter, you know.’
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some
curiosity. ‘What a funny watch!’ she remarked. ‘It tells the
day of the month, and doesn’t tell what o’clock it is!’
’Why should it?’ muttered the Hatter. ‘Does your watch
tell you what year it is?’
’Of course not,’ Alice replied very readily: ‘but that’s
because it stays the same year for such a long time
together.’
’Which is just the case with mine,’ said the Hatter.
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter’s remark
seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was
certainly English. ‘I don’t quite understand you,’ she said,
as politely as she could.
’The Dormouse is asleep again,’ said the Hatter, and he
poured a little hot tea upon its nose.
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said,
without opening its eyes, ‘Of course, of course; just what I
was going to remark myself.’
’Have you guessed the riddle yet?’ the Hatter said,
turning to Alice again.
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’No, I give it up,’ Alice replied: ‘what’s the answer?’
’I haven’t the slightest idea,’ said the Hatter.
’Nor I,’ said the March Hare.
Alice sighed wearily. ‘I think you might do something
better with the time,’ she said, ‘than waste it in asking
riddles that have no answers.’
’If you knew Time as well as I do,’ said the Hatter,
‘you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s him.’
’I don’t know what you mean,’ said Alice.
’Of course you don’t!’ the Hatter said, tossing his head
contemptuously. ‘I dare say you never even spoke to
Time!’
’Perhaps not,’ Alice cautiously replied: ‘but I know I
have to beat time when I learn music.’
’Ah! that accounts for it,’ said the Hatter. ‘He won’t
stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with
him, he’d do almost anything you liked with the clock.
For instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the morning,
just time to begin lessons: you’d only have to whisper a
hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling!
Half-past one, time for dinner!’
(’I only wish it was,’ the March Hare said to itself in a
whisper.)
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’That would be grand, certainly,’ said Alice
thoughtfully: ‘but then—I shouldn’t be hungry for it, you
know.’
’Not at first, perhaps,’ said the Hatter: ‘but you could
keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.’
’Is that the way you manage?’ Alice asked.
The Hatter shook his head mournfully. ‘Not I!’ he
replied. ‘We quarrelled last March—just before he went
mad, you know—’ (pointing with his tea spoon at the
March Hare,) ‘—it was at the great concert given by the
Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you’re at!’
You know the song, perhaps?’
’I’ve heard something like it,’ said Alice.
’It goes on, you know,’ the Hatter continued, ‘in this
way:—
"Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle—‘‘
Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in
its sleep ‘Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle—’ and went on
so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.
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’Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,’ said the
Hatter, ‘when the Queen jumped up and bawled out,
‘He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!‘‘
’How dreadfully savage!’ exclaimed Alice.
’And ever since that,’ the Hatter went on in a mournful
tone, ‘he won’t do a thing I ask! It’s always six o’clock
now.’
A bright idea came into Alice’s head. ‘Is that the reason
so many tea-things are put out here?’ she asked.
’Yes, that’s it,’ said the Hatter with a sigh: ‘it’s always
tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the things between
whiles.’
’Then you keep moving round, I suppose?’ said Alice.
’Exactly so,’ said the Hatter: ‘as the things get used up.’
’But what happens when you come to the beginning
again?’ Alice ventured to ask.
’Suppose we change the subject,’ the March Hare
interrupted, yawning. ‘I’m getting tired of this. I vote the
young lady tells us a story.’
’I’m afraid I don’t know one,’ said Alice, rather alarmed
at the proposal.
’Then the Dormouse shall!’ they both cried. ‘Wake up,
Dormouse!’ And they pinched it on both sides at once.
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The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. ‘I wasn’t
asleep,’ he said in a hoarse, feeble voice: ‘I heard every
word you fellows were saying.’
’Tell us a story!’ said the March Hare.
’Yes, please do!’ pleaded Alice.
’And be quick about it,’ added the Hatter, ‘or you’ll be
asleep again before it’s done.’
’Once upon a time there were three little sisters,’ the
Dormouse began in a great hurry; ‘and their names were
Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a
well—’
’What did they live on?’ said Alice, who always took a
great interest in questions of eating and drinking.
’They lived on treacle,’ said the Dormouse, after
thinking a minute or two.
’They couldn’t have done that, you know,’ Alice
gently remarked; ‘they’d have been ill.’
’So they were,’ said the Dormouse; ‘very ill.’
Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an
extraordinary ways of living would be like, but it puzzled
her too much, so she went on: ‘But why did they live at
the bottom of a well?’
’Take some more tea,’ the March Hare said to Alice,
very earnestly.
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’I’ve had nothing yet,’ Alice replied in an offended
tone, ‘so I can’t take more.’
’You mean you can’t take less,’ said the Hatter: ‘it’s
very easy to take more than nothing.’
’Nobody asked your opinion,’ said Alice.
’Who’s making personal remarks now?’ the Hatter
asked triumphantly.
Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she
helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then
turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her question. ‘Why
did they live at the bottom of a well?’
The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think
about it, and then said, ‘It was a treacle-well.’
’There’s no such thing!’ Alice was beginning very
angrily, but the Hatter and the March Hare went ‘Sh! sh!’
and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, ‘If you can’t be civil,
you’d better finish the story for yourself.’
’No, please go on!’ Alice said very humbly; ‘I won’t
interrupt again. I dare say there may be one.’
’One, indeed!’ said the Dormouse indignantly.
However, he consented to go on. ‘And so these three little
sisters—they were learning to draw, you know—’
’What did they draw?’ said Alice, quite forgetting her
promise.
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’Treacle,’ said the Dormouse, without considering at all
this time.
’I want a clean cup,’ interrupted the Hatter: ‘let’s all
move one place on.’
He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed
him: the March Hare moved into the Dormouse’s place,
and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the March
Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any
advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal
worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset
the milk-jug into his plate.
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so
she began very cautiously: ‘But I don’t understand. Where
did they draw the treacle from?’
’You can draw water out of a water-well,’ said the
Hatter; ‘so I should think you could draw treacle out of a
treacle-well—eh, stupid?’
’But they were in the well,’ Alice said to the
Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last remark.
’Of course they were’, said the Dormouse; ‘—well in.’
This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the
Dormouse go on for some time without interrupting it.
’They were learning to draw,’ the Dormouse went on,
yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very
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sleepy; ‘and they drew all manner of things—everything
that begins with an M—’
’Why with an M?’ said Alice.
’Why not?’ said the March Hare.
Alice was silent.
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was
going off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the
Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went on:
‘—that begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the
moon, and memory, and muchness— you know you say
things are ‘much of a muchness’—did you ever see such a
thing as a drawing of a muchness?’
’Really, now you ask me,’ said Alice, very much
confused, ‘I don’t think—’
’Then you shouldn’t talk,’ said the Hatter.
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear:
she got up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse
fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took the least
notice of her going, though she looked back once or
twice, half hoping that they would call after her: the last
time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse
into the teapot.
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’At any rate I’ll never go there again!’ said Alice as she
picked her way through the wood. ‘It’s the stupidest tea-
party I ever was at in all my life!’
Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees
had a door leading right into it. ‘That’s very curious!’ she
thought. ‘But everything’s curious today. I think I may as
well go in at once.’ And in she went.
Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close
to the little glass table. ‘Now, I’ll manage better this time,’
she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden
key, and unlocking the door that led into the garden.
Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she
had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a
foot high: then she walked down the little passage: and
then—she found herself at last in the beautiful garden,
among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.
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CHAPTER VIII: The Queen’s Croquet-
Ground
A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden:
the roses growing on it were white, but there were three
gardeners at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this
a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them,
and just as she came up to them she heard one of them
say, ‘Look out now, Five! Don’t go splashing paint over
me like that!’
’I couldn’t help it,’ said Five, in a sulky tone; ‘Seven
jogged my elbow.’
On which Seven looked up and said, ‘That’s right,
Five! Always lay the blame on others!’
You’d better not talk!’ said Five. ‘I heard the Queen say
only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!’
’What for?’ said the one who had spoken first.
’That’s none of your business, Two!’ said Seven.
’Yes, it is his business!’ said Five, ‘and I’ll tell him—it
was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.’
Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun ‘Well,
of all the unjust things—’ when his eye chanced to fall
upon Alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked
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himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and all of
them bowed low.
’Would you tell me,’ said Alice, a little timidly, ‘why
you are painting those roses?’
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two
began in a low voice, ‘Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this
here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and we put a
white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it
out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So
you see, Miss, we’re doing our best, afore she comes, to—
’ At this moment Five, who had been anxiously looking
across the garden, called out ‘The Queen! The Queen!’
and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat
upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps,
and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all
shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their
hands and feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these
were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two
and two, as the soldiers did. After these came the royal
children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they
were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests,
mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice
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recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried
nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and
went by without noticing her. Then followed the Knave
of Hearts, carrying the King’s crown on a crimson velvet
cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came THE
KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie
down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could
not remember ever having heard of such a rule at
processions; ‘and besides, what would be the use of a
procession,’ thought she, ‘if people had all to lie down
upon their faces, so that they couldn’t see it?’ So she stood
still where she was, and waited.
When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all
stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said severely
‘Who is this?’ She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only
bowed and smiled in reply.
’Idiot!’ said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently;
and, turning to Alice, she went on, ‘What’s your name,
child?’
’My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,’ said Alice
very politely; but she added, to herself, ‘Why, they’re only
a pack of cards, after all. I needn’t be afraid of them!’
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’And who are these?’ said the Queen, pointing to the
three gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for,
you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern
on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack, she
could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or
courtiers, or three of her own children.
’How should I know?’ said Alice, surprised at her own
courage. ‘It’s no business of mine.’
The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring
at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed ‘Off with
her head! Off—’
’Nonsense!’ said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and
the Queen was silent.
The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said
‘Consider, my dear: she is only a child!’
The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to
the Knave ‘Turn them over!’
The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
’Get up!’ said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and
the three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began
bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and
everybody else.
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’Leave off that!’ screamed the Queen. ‘You make me
giddy.’ And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on,
‘What have you been doing here?’
’May it please your Majesty,’ said Two, in a very
humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke, ‘we
were trying—’
’I see!’ said the Queen, who had meanwhile been
examining the roses. ‘Off with their heads!’ and the
procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining
behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to
Alice for protection.
’You shan’t be beheaded!’ said Alice, and she put them
into a large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers
wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them,
and then quietly marched off after the others.
’Are their heads off?’ shouted the Queen.
’Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!’ the
soldiers shouted in reply.
’That’s right!’ shouted the Queen. ‘Can you play
croquet?’
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the
question was evidently meant for her.
’Yes!’ shouted Alice.
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’Come on, then!’ roared the Queen, and Alice joined
the procession, wondering very much what would happen
next.
’It’s—it’s a very fine day!’ said a timid voice at her side.
She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping
anxiously into her face.
’Very,’ said Alice: ‘—where’s the Duchess?’
’Hush! Hush!’ said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone.
He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and
then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her
ear, and whispered ‘She’s under sentence of execution.’
’What for?’ said Alice.
’Did you say ‘What a pity!’?’ the Rabbit asked.
’No, I didn’t,’ said Alice: ‘I don’t think it’s at all a pity.
I said ‘What for?‘‘
’She boxed the Queen’s ears—’ the Rabbit began.
Alice gave a little scream of laughter. ‘Oh, hush!’ the
Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. ‘The Queen will
hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the Queen
said—’
’Get to your places!’ shouted the Queen in a voice of
thunder, and people began running about in all directions,
tumbling up against each other; however, they got settled
down in a minute or two, and the game began. Alice
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thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground
in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live
hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers
had to double themselves up and to stand on their hands
and feet, to make the arches.
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing
her flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked
away, comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs
hanging down, but generally, just as she had got its neck
nicely straightened out, and was going to give the
hedgehog a blow with its head, it would twist itself round
and look up in her face, with such a puzzled expression
that she could not help bursting out laughing: and when
she had got its head down, and was going to begin again,
it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had
unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides
all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way
wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the
doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking
off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
The players all played at once without waiting for
turns, quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the
hedgehogs; and in a very short time the Queen was in a
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furious passion, and went stamping about, and shouting
‘Off with his head!’ or ‘Off with her head!’ about once in
a minute.
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not
as yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that
it might happen any minute, ‘and then,’ thought she,
‘what would become of me? They’re dreadfully fond of
beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there’s
any one left alive!’
She was looking about for some way of escape, and
wondering whether she could get away without being
seen, when she noticed a curious appearance in the air: it
puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it a
minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said
to herself ‘It’s the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have
somebody to talk to.’
’How are you getting on?’ said the Cat, as soon as there
was mouth enough for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded.
‘It’s no use speaking to it,’ she thought, ‘till its ears have
come, or at least one of them.’ In another minute the
whole head appeared, and then Alice put down her
flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very
glad she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to
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think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no
more of it appeared.
’I don’t think they play at all fairly,’ Alice began, in
rather a complaining tone, ‘and they all quarrel so
dreadfully one can’t hear oneself speak—and they don’t
seem to have any rules in particular; at least, if there are,
nobody attends to them—and you’ve no idea how
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance,
there’s the arch I’ve got to go through next walking about
at the other end of the ground—and I should have
croqueted the Queen’s hedgehog just now, only it ran
away when it saw mine coming!’
’How do you like the Queen?’ said the Cat in a low
voice.
’Not at all,’ said Alice: ‘she’s so extremely—’ Just then
she noticed that the Queen was close behind her,
listening: so she went on, ‘—likely to win, that it’s hardly
worth while finishing the game.’
The Queen smiled and passed on.
’Who are you talking to?’ said the King, going up to
Alice, and looking at the Cat’s head with great curiosity.
’It’s a friend of mine—a Cheshire Cat,’ said Alice:
‘allow me to introduce it.’
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’I don’t like the look of it at all,’ said the King:
‘however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.’
’I’d rather not,’ the Cat remarked.
’Don’t be impertinent,’ said the King, ‘and don’t look
at me like that!’ He got behind Alice as he spoke.
’A cat may look at a king,’ said Alice. ‘I’ve read that in
some book, but I don’t remember where.’
’Well, it must be removed,’ said the King very
decidedly, and he called the Queen, who was passing at
the moment, ‘My dear! I wish you would have this cat
removed!’
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties,
great or small. ‘Off with his head!’ she said, without even
looking round.
’I’ll fetch the executioner myself,’ said the King eagerly,
and he hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how
the game was going on, as she heard the Queen’s voice in
the distance, screaming with passion. She had already
heard her sentence three of the players to be executed for
having missed their turns, and she did not like the look of
things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she
never knew whether it was her turn or not. So she went
in search of her hedgehog.
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The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another
hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent
opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other:
the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across
to the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it
trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it
back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out
of sight: ‘but it doesn’t matter much,’ thought Alice, ‘as all
the arches are gone from this side of the ground.’ So she
tucked it away under her arm, that it might not escape
again, and went back for a little more conversation with
her friend.
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was
surprised to find quite a large crowd collected round it:
there was a dispute going on between the executioner, the
King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once, while
all the rest were quite silent, and looked very
uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all
three to settle the question, and they repeated their
arguments to her, though, as they all spoke at once, she
found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they
said.
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The executioner’s argument was, that you couldn’t cut
off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that
he had never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn’t
going to begin at his time of life.
The King’s argument was, that anything that had a
head could be beheaded, and that you weren’t to talk
nonsense.
The Queen’s argument was, that if something wasn’t
done about it in less than no time she’d have everybody
executed, all round. (It was this last remark that had made
the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but ‘It belongs
to the Duchess: you’d better ask her about it.’
’She’s in prison,’ the Queen said to the executioner:
‘fetch her here.’ And the executioner went off like an
arrow.
The Cat’s head began fading away the moment he was
gone, and, by the time he had come back with the
Dutchess, it had entirely disappeared; so the King and the
executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it, while
the rest of the party went back to the game.
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CHAPTER IX: The Mock Turtle’s Story
’You can’t think how glad I am to see you again, you
dear old thing!’ said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm
affectionately into Alice’s, and they walked off together.
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant
temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the
pepper that had made her so savage when they met in the
kitchen.
’When I’m a Duchess,’ she said to herself, (not in a very
hopeful tone though), ‘I won’t have any pepper in my
kitchen at all. Soup does very well without—Maybe it’s
always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,’ she went
on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of
rule, ‘and vinegar that makes them sour—and camomile
that makes them bitter—and—and barley-sugar and such
things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish
people knew that: then they wouldn’t be so stingy about
it, you know—’
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and
was a little startled when she heard her voice close to her
ear. ‘You’re thinking about something, my dear, and that
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makes you forget to talk. I can’t tell you just now what the
moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.’
’Perhaps it hasn’t one,’ Alice ventured to remark.
’Tut, tut, child!’ said the Duchess. ‘Everything’s got a
moral, if only you can find it.’ And she squeezed herself
up closer to Alice’s side as she spoke.
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first,
because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly,
because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin
upon Alice’s shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp
chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it
as well as she could.
’The game’s going on rather better now,’ she said, by
way of keeping up the conversation a little.
’’Tis so,’ said the Duchess: ‘and the moral of that is—
‘Oh, ‘tis love, ‘tis love, that makes the world go round!‘‘
’Somebody said,’ Alice whispered, ‘that it’s done by
everybody minding their own business!’
’Ah, well! It means much the same thing,’ said the
Duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice’s shoulder
as she added, ‘and the moral of that is—‘Take care of the
sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.‘‘
’How fond she is of finding morals in things!’ Alice
thought to herself.
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’I dare say you’re wondering why I don’t put my arm
round your waist,’ the Duchess said after a pause: ‘the
reason is, that I’m doubtful about the temper of your
flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?’
’He might bite,’ Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at
all anxious to have the experiment tried.
’Very true,’ said the Duchess: ‘flamingoes and mustard
both bite. And the moral of that is—‘Birds of a feather
flock together.‘‘
’Only mustard isn’t a bird,’ Alice remarked.
’Right, as usual,’ said the Duchess: ‘what a clear way
you have of putting things!’
’It’s a mineral, I think,’ said Alice.
’Of course it is,’ said the Duchess, who seemed ready to
agree to everything that Alice said; ‘there’s a large
mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that is—‘The
more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.‘‘
’Oh, I know!’ exclaimed Alice, who had not attended
to this last remark, ‘it’s a vegetable. It doesn’t look like
one, but it is.’
’I quite agree with you,’ said the Duchess; ‘and the
moral of that is—‘Be what you would seem to be’—or if
you’d like it put more simply—‘Never imagine yourself
not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others
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that what you were or might have been was not otherwise
than what you had been would have appeared to them to
be otherwise.‘‘
’I think I should understand that better,’ Alice said very
politely, ‘if I had it written down: but I can’t quite follow
it as you say it.’
’That’s nothing to what I could say if I chose,’ the
Duchess replied, in a pleased tone.
’Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any longer than
that,’ said Alice.
’Oh, don’t talk about trouble!’ said the Duchess. ‘I
make you a present of everything I’ve said as yet.’
’A cheap sort of present!’ thought Alice. ‘I’m glad they
don’t give birthday presents like that!’ But she did not
venture to say it out loud.
’Thinking again?’ the Duchess asked, with another dig
of her sharp little chin.
’I’ve a right to think,’ said Alice sharply, for she was
beginning to feel a little worried.
’Just about as much right,’ said the Duchess, ‘as pigs
have to fly; and the m—’
But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the Duchess’s voice
died away, even in the middle of her favourite word
‘moral,’ and the arm that was linked into hers began to
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tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in
front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a
thunderstorm.
’A fine day, your Majesty!’ the Duchess began in a low,
weak voice.
’Now, I give you fair warning,’ shouted the Queen,
stamping on the ground as she spoke; ‘either you or your
head must be off, and that in about half no time! Take
your choice!’
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a
moment.
’Let’s go on with the game,’ the Queen said to Alice;
and Alice was too much frightened to say a word, but
slowly followed her back to the croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen’s
absence, and were resting in the shade: however, the
moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game, the
Queen merely remarking that a moment’s delay would
cost them their lives.
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off
quarrelling with the other players, and shouting ‘Off with
his head!’ or ‘Off with her head!’ Those whom she
sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of
course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by
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the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and
all the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice,
were in custody and under sentence of execution.
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said
to Alice, ‘Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?’
’No,’ said Alice. ‘I don’t even know what a Mock
Turtle is.’
’It’s the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,’ said
the Queen.
’I never saw one, or heard of one,’ said Alice.
’Come on, then,’ said the Queen, ‘and he shall tell you
his history,’
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say
in a low voice, to the company generally, ‘You are all
pardoned.’ ‘Come, that’s a good thing!’ she said to herself,
for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions
the Queen had ordered.
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep
in the sun. (IF you don’t know what a Gryphon is, look at
the picture.) ‘Up, lazy thing!’ said the Queen, ‘and take
this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his
history. I must go back and see after some executions I
have ordered’; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone
with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the
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creature, but on the whole she thought it would be quite
as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage Queen: so
she waited.
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it
watched the Queen till she was out of sight: then it
chuckled. ‘What fun!’ said the Gryphon, half to itself, half
to Alice.
’What IS the fun?’ said Alice.
’Why, she,’ said the Gryphon. ‘It’s all her fancy, that:
they never executes nobody, you know. Come on!’
’Everybody says ‘come on!’ here,’ thought Alice, as she
went slowly after it: ‘I never was so ordered about in all
my life, never!’
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock
Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little
ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could hear
him sighing as if his heart would break. She pitied him
deeply. ‘What is his sorrow?’ she asked the Gryphon, and
the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as
before, ‘It’s all his fancy, that: he hasn’t got no sorrow,
you know. Come on!’
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at
them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.
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’This here young lady,’ said the Gryphon, ‘she wants
for to know your history, she do.’
’I’ll tell it her,’ said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow
tone: ‘sit down, both of you, and don’t speak a word till
I’ve finished.’
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes.
Alice thought to herself, ‘I don’t see how he can even
finish, if he doesn’t begin.’ But she waited patiently.
’Once,’ said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh,
‘I was a real Turtle.’
These words were followed by a very long silence,
broken only by an occasional exclamation of ‘Hjckrrh!’
from the Gryphon, and the constant heavy sobbing of the
Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and saying,
‘Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,’ but she could
not help thinking there must be more to come, so she sat
still and said nothing.
’When we were little,’ the Mock Turtle went on at
last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and
then, ‘we went to school in the sea. The master was an old
Turtle—we used to call him Tortoise—’
’Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t one?’
Alice asked.
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’We called him Tortoise because he taught us,’ said the
Mock Turtle angrily: ‘really you are very dull!’
’You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a
simple question,’ added the Gryphon; and then they both
sat silent and looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink
into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock
Turtle, ‘Drive on, old fellow! Don’t be all day about it!’
and he went on in these words:
’Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn’t
believe it—’
’I never said I didn’t!’ interrupted Alice.
’You did,’ said the Mock Turtle.
’Hold your tongue!’ added the Gryphon, before Alice
could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on.
’We had the best of educations—in fact, we went to
school every day—’
’I’ve been to a day-school, too,’ said Alice; ‘you needn’t
be so proud as all that.’
’With extras?’ asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
’Yes,’ said Alice, ‘we learned French and music.’
’And washing?’ said the Mock Turtle.
’Certainly not!’ said Alice indignantly.
’Ah! then yours wasn’t a really good school,’ said the
Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. ‘Now at ours they
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had at the end of the bill, ‘French, music, and washing—
extra.‘‘
’You couldn’t have wanted it much,’ said Alice; ‘living
at the bottom of the sea.’
’I couldn’t afford to learn it.’ said the Mock Turtle with
a sigh. ‘I only took the regular course.’
’What was that?’ inquired Alice.
’Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,’ the
Mock Turtle replied; ‘and then the different branches of
Arithmetic— Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and
Derision.’
’I never heard of ‘Uglification,‘‘ Alice ventured to say.
‘What is it?’
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. ‘What!
Never heard of uglifying!’ it exclaimed. ‘You know what
to beautify is, I suppose?’
’Yes,’ said Alice doubtfully: ‘it means—to—make—
anything—prettier.’
’Well, then,’ the Gryphon went on, ‘if you don’t know
what to uglify is, you are a simpleton.’
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more
questions about it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and
said ‘What else had you to learn?’
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’Well, there was Mystery,’ the Mock Turtle replied,
counting off the subjects on his flappers, ‘—Mystery,
ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawling—
the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to
come once a week: He taught us Drawling, Stretching,
and Fainting in Coils.’
’What was that like?’ said Alice.
’Well, I can’t show it you myself,’ the Mock Turtle
said: ‘I’m too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.’
’Hadn’t time,’ said the Gryphon: ‘I went to the Classics
master, though. He was an old crab, he was.’
’I never went to him,’ the Mock Turtle said with a
sigh: ‘he taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.’
’So he did, so he did,’ said the Gryphon, sighing in his
turn; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.
’And how many hours a day did you do lessons?’ said
Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.
’Ten hours the first day,’ said the Mock Turtle: ‘nine
the next, and so on.’
’What a curious plan!’ exclaimed Alice.
’That’s the reason they’re called lessons,’ the Gryphon
remarked: ‘because they lessen from day to day.’
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This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it
over a little before she made her next remark. ‘Then the
eleventh day must have been a holiday?’
’Of course it was,’ said the Mock Turtle.
’And how did you manage on the twelfth?’ Alice went
on eagerly.
’That’s enough about lessons,’ the Gryphon interrupted
in a very decided tone: ‘tell her something about the
games now.’
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CHAPTER X: The Lobster Quadrille
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of
one flapper across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried
to speak, but for a minute or two sobs choked his voice.
‘Same as if he had a bone in his throat,’ said the Gryphon:
and it set to work shaking him and punching him in the
back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and,
with tears running down his cheeks, he went on again:—
’You may not have lived much under the sea—’ (’I
haven’t,’ said Alice)— ‘and perhaps you were never even
introduced to a lobster—’ (Alice began to say ‘I once
tasted—’ but checked herself hastily, and said ‘No, never’)
‘—so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a
Lobster Quadrille is!’
’No, indeed,’ said Alice. ‘What sort of a dance is it?’
’Why,’ said the Gryphon, ‘you first form into a line
along the sea-shore—’
’Two lines!’ cried the Mock Turtle. ‘Seals, turtles,
salmon, and so on; then, when you’ve cleared all the jelly-
fish out of the way—’
’THAT generally takes some time,’ interrupted the
Gryphon.
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’—you advance twice—’
’Each with a lobster as a partner!’ cried the Gryphon.
’Of course,’ the Mock Turtle said: ‘advance twice, set
to partners—’
’—change lobsters, and retire in same order,’ continued
the Gryphon.
’Then, you know,’ the Mock Turtle went on, ‘you
throw the—’
’The lobsters!’ shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into
the air.
’—as far out to sea as you can—’
’Swim after them!’ screamed the Gryphon.
’Turn a somersault in the sea!’ cried the Mock Turtle,
capering wildly about.
’Change lobster’s again!’ yelled the Gryphon at the top
of its voice.
’Back to land again, and that’s all the first figure,’ said
the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the
two creatures, who had been jumping about like mad
things all this time, sat down again very sadly and quietly,
and looked at Alice.
’It must be a very pretty dance,’ said Alice timidly.
’Would you like to see a little of it?’ said the Mock
Turtle.
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’Very much indeed,’ said Alice.
’Come, let’s try the first figure!’ said the Mock Turtle
to the Gryphon. ‘We can do without lobsters, you know.
Which shall sing?’
’Oh, YOU sing,’ said the Gryphon. ‘I’ve forgotten the
words.’
So they began solemnly dancing round and round
Alice, every now and then treading on her toes when they
passed too close, and waving their forepaws to mark the
time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and
sadly:—
’’Will you walk a little faster?’ said a whiting to a snail.
‘There’s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! They are
waiting on the shingle—will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the
dance? Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you
join the dance?
"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to
sea!’ But the snail replied ‘Too far, too far!’ and gave a look
askance— Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not
join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not,
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would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not,
could not, could not join the dance.
’’What matters it how far we go?’ his scaly friend replied.
‘There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. The
further off from England the nearer is to France— Then turn not
pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the
dance? Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you
join the dance?‘‘
’Thank you, it’s a very interesting dance to watch,’ said
Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: ‘and I do so
like that curious song about the whiting!’
’Oh, as to the whiting,’ said the Mock Turtle, ‘they—
you’ve seen them, of course?’
’Yes,’ said Alice, ‘I’ve often seen them at dinn—’ she
checked herself hastily.
’I don’t know where Dinn may be,’ said the Mock
Turtle, ‘but if you’ve seen them so often, of course you
know what they’re like.’
’I believe so,’ Alice replied thoughtfully. ‘They have
their tails in their mouths—and they’re all over crumbs.’
’You’re wrong about the crumbs,’ said the Mock
Turtle: ‘crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they
have their tails in their mouths; and the reason is—’ here
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the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes.—’Tell her
about the reason and all that,’ he said to the Gryphon.
’The reason is,’ said the Gryphon, ‘that they would go
with the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to
sea. So they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails
fast in their mouths. So they couldn’t get them out again.
That’s all.’
’Thank you,’ said Alice, ‘it’s very interesting. I never
knew so much about a whiting before.’
’I can tell you more than that, if you like,’ said the
Gryphon. ‘Do you know why it’s called a whiting?’
’I never thought about it,’ said Alice. ‘Why?’
’It does the boots and shoes.’ the Gryphon replied very
solemnly.
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. ‘Does the boots and
shoes!’ she repeated in a wondering tone.
’Why, what are your shoes done with?’ said the
Gryphon. ‘I mean, what makes them so shiny?’
Alice looked down at them, and considered a little
before she gave her answer. ‘They’re done with blacking,
I believe.’
’Boots and shoes under the sea,’ the Gryphon went on
in a deep voice, ‘are done with a whiting. Now you
know.’
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’And what are they made of?’ Alice asked in a tone of
great curiosity.
’Soles and eels, of course,’ the Gryphon replied rather
impatiently: ‘any shrimp could have told you that.’
’If I’d been the whiting,’ said Alice, whose thoughts
were still running on the song, ‘I’d have said to the
porpoise, ‘Keep back, please: we don’t want you with us!‘‘
’They were obliged to have him with them,’ the Mock
Turtle said: ‘no wise fish would go anywhere without a
porpoise.’
’Wouldn’t it really?’ said Alice in a tone of great
surprise.
’Of course not,’ said the Mock Turtle: ‘why, if a fish
came to me, and told me he was going a journey, I should
say ‘With what porpoise?‘‘
’Don’t you mean ‘purpose’?’ said Alice.
’I mean what I say,’ the Mock Turtle replied in an
offended tone. And the Gryphon added ‘Come, let’s hear
some of your adventures.’
’I could tell you my adventures—beginning from this
morning,’ said Alice a little timidly: ‘but it’s no use going
back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.’
’Explain all that,’ said the Mock Turtle.
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’No, no! The adventures first,’ said the Gryphon in an
impatient tone: ‘explanations take such a dreadful time.’
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the
time when she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little
nervous about it just at first, the two creatures got so close
to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes and
mouths so very wide, but she gained courage as she went
on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the
part about her repeating ’You are old, Father William,’ to
the Caterpillar, and the words all coming different, and
then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said ‘That’s
very curious.’
’It’s all about as curious as it can be,’ said the Gryphon.
’It all came different!’ the Mock Turtle repeated
thoughtfully. ‘I should like to hear her try and repeat
something now. Tell her to begin.’ He looked at the
Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority
over Alice.
’Stand up and repeat ‘‘Tis the voice of the sluggard,‘‘ said
the Gryphon.
’How the creatures order one about, and make one
repeat lessons!’ thought Alice; ‘I might as well be at school
at once.’ However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but
her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she
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hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
very queer indeed:—
’’Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
‘You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.’ As
a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose Trims his belt
and his buttons, and turns out his toes.’
[later editions continued as follows When the sands are
all dry, he is gay as a lark, And will talk in contemptuous
tones of the Shark, But, when the tide rises and sharks are
around, His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
’That’s different from what I used to say when I was a
child,’ said the Gryphon.
’Well, I never heard it before,’ said the Mock Turtle;
‘but it sounds uncommon nonsense.’
Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in
her hands, wondering if anything would ever happen in a
natural way again.
’I should like to have it explained,’ said the Mock
Turtle.
’She can’t explain it,’ said the Gryphon hastily. ‘Go on
with the next verse.’
’But about his toes?’ the Mock Turtle persisted. ‘How
could he turn them out with his nose, you know?’
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’It’s the first position in dancing.’ Alice said; but was
dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to
change the subject.
’Go on with the next verse,’ the Gryphon repeated
impatiently: ‘it begins ‘I passed by his garden.‘‘
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it
would all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling
voice:—
’I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, How the
Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie—’
[later editions continued as follows: The
Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, While the Owl had
the dish as its share of the treat. When the pie was all finished,
the Owl, as a boon, Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl, And
concluded the banquet—]
’What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,’ the Mock
Turtle interrupted, ‘if you don’t explain it as you go on?
It’s by far the most confusing thing I ever heard!’
’Yes, I think you’d better leave off,’ said the Gryphon:
and Alice was only too glad to do so.
’Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?’
the Gryphon went on. ‘Or would you like the Mock
Turtle to sing you a song?’
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’Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so
kind,’ Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a
rather offended tone, ‘Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing
her ‘Turtle Soup,’ will you, old fellow?’
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice
sometimes choked with sobs, to sing this:—
’Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop? Soup of the evening,
beautiful Soup! Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Beau—
ootiful Soo—oop! Beau—ootiful Soo—oop! Soo—oop of the
e—e—evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
’Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, Game, or any other
dish? Who would not give all else for two pennyworth only of
beautiful Soup? Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? Beau—
ootiful Soo—oop! Beau—ootiful Soo—oop! Soo—oop of the
e—e—evening, Beautiful, beauti—FUL SOUP!’
’Chorus again!’ cried the Gryphon, and the Mock
Turtle had just begun to repeat it, when a cry of ‘The
trial’s beginning!’ was heard in the distance.
’Come on!’ cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by
the hand, it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the
song.
’What trial is it?’ Alice panted as she ran; but the
Gryphon only answered ‘Come on!’ and ran the faster,
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CHAPTER XI: Who Stole the Tarts?
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their
throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled
about them—all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as
the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before
them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him;
and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet
in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the
very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of
tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice quite
hungry to look at them—’I wish they’d get the trial done,’
she thought, ‘and hand round the refreshments!’ But there
seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at
everything about her, to pass away the time.
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but
she had read about them in books, and she was quite
pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly
everything there. ‘That’s the judge,’ she said to herself,
‘because of his great wig.’
The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore
his crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you
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want to see how he did it,) he did not look at all
comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
’And that’s the jury-box,’ thought Alice, ‘and those
twelve creatures,’ (she was obliged to say ‘creatures,’ you
see, because some of them were animals, and some were
birds,) ‘I suppose they are the jurors.’ She said this last
word two or three times over to herself, being rather
proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few
little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all.
However, ‘jury-men’ would have done just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.
‘What are they doing?’ Alice whispered to the Gryphon.
‘They can’t have anything to put down yet, before the
trial’s begun.’
’They’re putting down their names,’ the Gryphon
whispered in reply, ‘for fear they should forget them
before the end of the trial.’
’Stupid things!’ Alice began in a loud, indignant voice,
but she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out,
‘Silence in the court!’ and the King put on his spectacles
and looked anxiously round, to make out who was
talking.
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their
shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down ‘stupid
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things!’ on their slates, and she could even make out that
one of them didn’t know how to spell ‘stupid,’ and that he
had to ask his neighbour to tell him. ‘A nice muddle their
slates’ll be in before the trial’s over!’ thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of
course, Alice could not stand, and she went round the
court and got behind him, and very soon found an
opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that
the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not
make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all
about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for
the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left
no mark on the slate.
’Herald, read the accusation!’ said the King.
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the
trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read
as follows:—
’The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer
day: The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them
quite away!’
’Consider your verdict,’ the King said to the jury.
’Not yet, not yet!’ the Rabbit hastily interrupted.
‘There’s a great deal to come before that!’
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’Call the first witness,’ said the King; and the White
Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out,
‘First witness!’
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a
teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the
other. ‘I beg pardon, your Majesty,’ he began, ‘for
bringing these in: but I hadn’t quite finished my tea when
I was sent for.’
’You ought to have finished,’ said the King. ‘When did
you begin?’
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had
followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the
Dormouse. ‘Fourteenth of March, I think it was,’ he said.
’Fifteenth,’ said the March Hare.
’Sixteenth,’ added the Dormouse.
’Write that down,’ the King said to the jury, and the
jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and
then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings
and pence.
’Take off your hat,’ the King said to the Hatter.
’It isn’t mine,’ said the Hatter.
’Stolen!’ the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who
instantly made a memorandum of the fact.
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’I keep them to sell,’ the Hatter added as an
explanation; ‘I’ve none of my own. I’m a hatter.’
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began
staring at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
’Give your evidence,’ said the King; ‘and don’t be
nervous, or I’ll have you executed on the spot.’
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he
kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily
at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out
of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation,
which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it
was: she was beginning to grow larger again, and she
thought at first she would get up and leave the court; but
on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was
as long as there was room for her.
’I wish you wouldn’t squeeze so.’ said the Dormouse,
who was sitting next to her. ‘I can hardly breathe.’
’I can’t help it,’ said Alice very meekly: ‘I’m growing.’
’You’ve no right to grow here,’ said the Dormouse.
’Don’t talk nonsense,’ said Alice more boldly: ‘you
know you’re growing too.’
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’Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,’ said the
Dormouse: ‘not in that ridiculous fashion.’ And he got up
very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the
Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she
said to one of the officers of the court, ‘Bring me the list
of the singers in the last concert!’ on which the wretched
Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
’Give your evidence,’ the King repeated angrily, ‘or I’ll
have you executed, whether you’re nervous or not.’
’I’m a poor man, your Majesty,’ the Hatter began, in a
trembling voice, ‘—and I hadn’t begun my tea—not
above a week or so—and what with the bread-and-butter
getting so thin—and the twinkling of the tea—’
’The twinkling of the what?’ said the King.
’It began with the tea,’ the Hatter replied.
’Of course twinkling begins with a T!’ said the King
sharply. ‘Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!’
’I’m a poor man,’ the Hatter went on, ‘and most things
twinkled after that—only the March Hare said—’
’I didn’t!’ the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
’You did!’ said the Hatter.
’I deny it!’ said the March Hare.
’He denies it,’ said the King: ‘leave out that part.’
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’Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said—’ the Hatter
went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny
it too: but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast
asleep.
’After that,’ continued the Hatter, ‘I cut some more
bread- and-butter—’
’But what did the Dormouse say?’ one of the jury
asked.
’That I can’t remember,’ said the Hatter.
’You must remember,’ remarked the King, ‘or I’ll have
you executed.’
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-
and-butter, and went down on one knee. ‘I’m a poor
man, your Majesty,’ he began.
’You’re a very poor speaker,’ said the King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was
immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As
that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it
was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at
the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-
pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)
’I’m glad I’ve seen that done,’ thought Alice. ‘I’ve so
often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, ‘There
was some attempts at applause, which was immediately
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suppressed by the officers of the court,’ and I never
understood what it meant till now.’
’If that’s all you know about it, you may stand down,’
continued the King.
’I can’t go no lower,’ said the Hatter: ‘I’m on the floor,
as it is.’
’Then you may sit down,’ the King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
’Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!’ thought Alice.
‘Now we shall get on better.’
’I’d rather finish my tea,’ said the Hatter, with an
anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of
singers.
’You may go,’ said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly
left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
’—and just take his head off outside,’ the Queen added
to one of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight
before the officer could get to the door.
’Call the next witness!’ said the King.
The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. She carried
the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was,
even before she got into the court, by the way the people
near the door began sneezing all at once.
’Give your evidence,’ said the King.
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’Shan’t,’ said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who
said in a low voice, ‘Your Majesty must cross-examine
THIS witness.’
’Well, if I must, I must,’ the King said, with a
melancholy air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at
the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a
deep voice, ‘What are tarts made of?’
’Pepper, mostly,’ said the cook.
’Treacle,’ said a sleepy voice behind her.
’Collar that Dormouse,’ the Queen shrieked out.
‘Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of
court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!’
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion,
getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they
had settled down again, the cook had disappeared.
’Never mind!’ said the King, with an air of great relief.
‘Call the next witness.’ And he added in an undertone to
the Queen, ‘Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the
next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!’
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over
the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness
would be like, ‘—for they haven’t got much evidence yet,’
she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White
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CHAPTER XII: Alice’s Evidence
’Here!’ cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the
moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes,
and she jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over
the jury-box with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the
jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a
globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset the week
before.
’Oh, I beg your pardon!’ she exclaimed in a tone of
great dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly
as she could, for the accident of the goldfish kept running
in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea that they
must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box,
or they would die.
’The trial cannot proceed,’ said the King in a very
grave voice, ‘until all the jurymen are back in their proper
places— all,’ he repeated with great emphasis, looking
hard at Alice as he said do.
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste,
she had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor
little thing was waving its tail about in a melancholy way,
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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being quite unable to move. She soon got it out again, and
put it right; ‘not that it signifies much,’ she said to herself;
‘I should think it would be quite as much use in the trial
one way up as the other.’
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the
shock of being upset, and their slates and pencils had been
found and handed back to them, they set to work very
diligently to write out a history of the accident, all except
the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the
roof of the court.
’What do you know about this business?’ the King said
to Alice.
’Nothing,’ said Alice.
’Nothing whatever?’ persisted the King.
’Nothing whatever,’ said Alice.
’That’s very important,’ the King said, turning to the
jury. They were just beginning to write this down on
their slates, when the White Rabbit interrupted:
‘Unimportant, your Majesty means, of course,’ he said in a
very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at
him as he spoke.
’Unimportant, of course, I meant,’ the King hastily said,
and went on to himself in an undertone, ‘important—
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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unimportant— unimportant—important—’ as if he were
trying which word sounded best.
Some of the jury wrote it down ‘important,’ and some
‘unimportant.’ Alice could see this, as she was near enough
to look over their slates; ‘but it doesn’t matter a bit,’ she
thought to herself.
At this moment the King, who had been for some time
busily writing in his note-book, cackled out ‘Silence!’ and
read out from his book, ‘Rule Forty-two. All persons more
than a mile hight to leave the court.’
Everybody looked at Alice.
’I’m not a mile high,’ said Alice.
’You are,’ said the King.
’Nearly two miles high,’ added the Queen.
’Well, I shan’t go, at any rate,’ said Alice: ‘besides,
that’s not a regular rule: you invented it just now.’
’It’s the oldest rule in the book,’ said the King.
’Then it ought to be Number One,’ said Alice.
The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily.
‘Consider your verdict,’ he said to the jury, in a low,
trembling voice.
’There’s more evidence to come yet, please your
Majesty,’ said the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great
hurry; ‘this paper has just been picked up.’
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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’What’s in it?’ said the Queen.
’I haven’t opened it yet,’ said the White Rabbit, ‘but it
seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner to—to
somebody.’
’It must have been that,’ said the King, ‘unless it was
written to nobody, which isn’t usual, you know.’
’Who is it directed to?’ said one of the jurymen.
’It isn’t directed at all,’ said the White Rabbit; ‘in fact,
there’s nothing written on the outside.’ He unfolded the
paper as he spoke, and added ‘It isn’t a letter, after all: it’s a
set of verses.’
’Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting?’ asked another
of they jurymen.
’No, they’re not,’ said the White Rabbit, ‘and that’s the
queerest thing about it.’ (The jury all looked puzzled.)
’He must have imitated somebody else’s hand,’ said the
King. (The jury all brightened up again.)
’Please your Majesty,’ said the Knave, ‘I didn’t write it,
and they can’t prove I did: there’s no name signed at the
end.’
’If you didn’t sign it,’ said the King, ‘that only makes
the matter worse. You must have meant some mischief, or
else you’d have signed your name like an honest man.’
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the
first really clever thing the King had said that day.
’That proves his guilt,’ said the Queen.
’It proves nothing of the sort!’ said Alice. ‘Why, you
don’t even know what they’re about!’
’Read them,’ said the King.
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. ‘Where shall I
begin, please your Majesty?’ he asked.
’Begin at the beginning,’ the King said gravely, ‘and go
on till you come to the end: then stop.’
These were the verses the White Rabbit read:—
’They told me you had been to her, And mentioned me to
him: She gave me a good character, But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I had not gone (We know it to be true): If
she should push the matter on, What would become of you?
I gave her one, they gave him two, You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you, Though they were mine
before.
If I or she should chance to be Involved in this affair, He trusts
to you to set them free, Exactly as we were.
My notion was that you had been (Before she had this fit) An
obstacle that came between Him, and ourselves, and it.
Don’t let him know she liked them best, For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest, Between yourself and me.’
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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’That’s the most important piece of evidence we’ve
heard yet,’ said the King, rubbing his hands; ‘so now let
the jury—’
’If any one of them can explain it,’ said Alice, (she had
grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn’t a bit
afraid of interrupting him,) ‘I’ll give him sixpence. I don’t
believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.’
The jury all wrote down on their slates, ‘She doesn’t
believe there’s an atom of meaning in it,’ but none of
them attempted to explain the paper.
’If there’s no meaning in it,’ said the King, ‘that saves a
world of trouble, you know, as we needn’t try to find any.
And yet I don’t know,’ he went on, spreading out the
verses on his knee, and looking at them with one eye; ‘I
seem to see some meaning in them, after all. ‘-said I could
not swim—’ you can’t swim, can you?’ he added, turning
to the Knave.
The Knave shook his head sadly. ‘Do I look like it?’ he
said. (Which he certainly did not, being made entirely of
cardboard.)
’All right, so far,’ said the King, and he went on
muttering over the verses to himself: ‘"We know it to be
true—’ that’s the jury, of course— ‘I gave her one, they gave
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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him two—’ why, that must be what he did with the tarts,
you know—’
’But, it goes on ‘they all returned from him to you,‘‘ said
Alice.
’Why, there they are!’ said the King triumphantly,
pointing to the tarts on the table. ‘Nothing can be clearer
than that. Then again—‘before she had this fit--’ you never
had fits, my dear, I think?’ he said to the Queen.
’Never!’ said the Queen furiously, throwing an
inkstand at the Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate little
Bill had left off writing on his slate with one finger, as he
found it made no mark; but he now hastily began again,
using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as it
lasted.)
’Then the words don’t fit you,’ said the King, looking
round the court with a smile. There was a dead silence.
’It’s a pun!’ the King added in an offended tone, and
everybody laughed, ‘Let the jury consider their verdict,’
the King said, for about the twentieth time that day.
’No, no!’ said the Queen. ‘Sentence first—verdict
afterwards.’
’Stuff and nonsense!’ said Alice loudly. ‘The idea of
having the sentence first!’
’Hold your tongue!’ said the Queen, turning purple.
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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’I won’t!’ said Alice.
’Off with her head!’ the Queen shouted at the top of
her voice. Nobody moved.
’Who cares for you?’ said Alice, (she had grown to her
full size by this time.) ‘You’re nothing but a pack of cards!’
At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came
flying down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of
fright and half of anger, and tried to beat them off, and
found herself lying on the bank, with her head in the lap
of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead
leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her
face.
’Wake up, Alice dear!’ said her sister; ‘Why, what a
long sleep you’ve had!’
’Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream!’ said Alice, and she
told her sister, as well as she could remember them, all
these strange Adventures of hers that you have just been
reading about; and when she had finished, her sister kissed
her, and said, ‘It was a curious dream, dear, certainly: but
now run in to your tea; it’s getting late.’ So Alice got up
and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might,
what a wonderful dream it had been.
But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her
head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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of little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she
too began dreaming after a fashion, and this was her
dream:—
First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again
the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright
eager eyes were looking up into hers—she could hear the
very tones of her voice, and see that queer little toss of her
head to keep back the wandering hair that would always
get into her eyes—and still as she listened, or seemed to
listen, the whole place around her became alive the
strange creatures of her little sister’s dream.
The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit
hurried by—the frightened Mouse splashed his way
through the neighbouring pool—she could hear the rattle
of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared
their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen
ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution—once
more the pig-baby was sneezing on the Duchess’s knee,
while plates and dishes crashed around it—once more the
shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard’s slate-
pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the
miserable Mock Turtle.
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
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So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself
in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open
them again, and all would change to dull reality—the grass
would be only rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling
to the waving of the reeds—the rattling teacups would
change to tinkling sheep- bells, and the Queen’s shrill cries
to the voice of the shepherd boy—and the sneeze of the
baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and all thy other queer
noises, would change (she knew) to the confused clamour
of the busy farm-yard—while the lowing of the cattle in
the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle’s
heavy sobs.
Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister
of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown
woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper
years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and
how she would gather about her other little children, and
make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange
tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long
ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows,
and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering
her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
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